processing

intention setting and turning the page

Dec 27, 2024

I’m processing the holiday season. I’ve reflected lately that when asked how I’m doing…I don’t really have an answer? I don’t know? I’m sitting with that and accepting that. letting myself “be” without needing to be “good” or “bad”…”great” or “fine”.

moment to moment we experience the good. the bad. the grief. the joy. the peace. the overwhelm. the loneliness. the heaviness. the heartbreak. the bliss. as in meditation, the invitation is to be present with what is. to allow ourselves to feel it. and then allow it to pass.

whether it was a “good” christmas, or a “bad” christmas…it was a day. and it’s passed.

the only day we have is this one.

I am very grateful for the meaningful time I got to spend with my children this holiday season. they are at the most precious ages (10 and 8). grace’s favorite gift was an etch a sketch. parker loves his hockey foosball game. in my yoga class on christmas day, one of my fellow YTT friends was teaching and reflecting on how often (or how seldom) we experience something knowing it’s the last time. the last christmas they’ll believe in santa (maybe?). the last christmas with someone we love in our lives (hopefully not).

how differently we soak up moments knowing when it will be our last time experiencing it that way. we can try to live this way all the time, but we all know that’s a challenge. we unintentionally take so many things for granted. our health. our financial stability. our relationships. our safety.

there are some years that ask questions and some years that show you the answers. for me, this year was somewhere in between. I am somewhere in between.

I’m processing 2024. making room in my heart for 2025. since “back to school” is not technically a holiday, I think new years would have to be my favorite. not the new years eve part…if you know me well, you know there is something seriously wrong if I’m awake past 10:30. I’ve only made it to midnight for maybe half of my adult NYEs. sometimes chris will wake me up. usually he’ll let me sleep right through it. three years ago at my cousin’s new year’s eve wedding I toasted the newlyweds, counted down to midnight with their crew, promptly gave chris a good night’s kiss, irish goodbye’d and was in bed by 12:05.

the new years’ traditions I love are all around turning the page on the calendar. I love a fresh start. though I don’t do resolutions, I love intention-setting. like everything on social media and the internet, new years has become overplayed, I know. you’re going to be bombarded with everyone setting intentions. setting goals. resolutions. I know, it’s awful. you can accept or reject it. or embrace it, like me.

my sister showed me year compass 5 years ago and I’ve been doing it ever since. I’ll carve out a few hours of some day next week and will reflect on last year and get real about what I want for next year.

I’m sure there are many of us eager to turn the page on 2024, for various reasons.

this year, like last year, I’ll teach a 90 minute yoga class at dennisport yoga on new years day. we’ll start with a shaking meditation. my favorite way to shake off pain, trauma, and bullshit. there is so much I am looking forward to letting go of this year. the ways perfectionism crept back into my life (though I’m grateful for my newfound awareness around it). fear. ignoring my own needs and boundaries instead of asking for what would make me feel safe and loved. I continue to surrender and shed.

next year I am determined to continue my financial journey. in the past 5 years we paid off over $70k in credit card debt. our move to the cape wiped the financial slate clean of our debt and I am determined to never get back to that place. in 2024 I hired a financial planner who I meet with as often as I want (subscription-based model, not fee-based or hourly, highly recommend). in our last meeting of this year we talked about how dialing in the budget is the key to financial freedom. “free” was my word of the year for 2024. and I don’t know that I quite got there. when the earning threshold is not held so high (because of high expenses), there is more freedom to earn less. I’d like to get to a place where I have true financial freedom. to me this means a paid off mortgage, living debt-free, fully funding our emergency fund, and being on track with our retirement savings.

I have been questioning our lifestyle and need to get more rooted/grounded in my values to guide our financial decisions. our mutual income has made me lazy about our budget. and that’s the snare that keeps us entrapped in the cycle of capitalism and drives the need to earn more and more.

2024 gratitude list:

kripalu retreat in october and the wisdom it brought me.
TLC meetings - the connection & community saved my ass more times than I can count.
the bigger yes - a dharma course I took that gave me clear intentions around my purpose on this earth (I’ll share more on that another time…maybe).
teaching and cultivating my yoga community here on the cape at hot yoga east dennis & dennisport yoga.
my first yoga retreat last spring - it was a staycation that allowed me to meet other cape cod women & mothers “doing the work”.
starting this substack (yay for creativity, vulnerability, and sharing)
our family trip to disney! my inner child had the time of her life (it was my first time!) the four of us had so much fun together and it inspired me to really prioritize family travel in the future.
chris’ business - his ability to grow his electrical practice here on the cape has been such a blessing and one I do not take for granted. finding work out here can be really challenging for some, but lucky for us, the trades are booming.
work that really, really challenged me to grow personally and professionally - this may have been one of the hardest years in my career and I know I will look back at all the way it helped define me.
leading meditation at our corporate retreat in colorado springs in march - I had never led so many people before and it was a powerful moment of integration for me.
the courage and energy to lead the 40 day last year and the ways I’m expanding it for the next round.
my marriage - even when this year tested us (which it did), our marriage grew stronger and our partnership grew deeper.
my children - if I could change anything for 2025, it would be structuring my work life so that I can spend more time with them. I have always been terrified to “step off the ride”, but I really wish for more time with them…
my sobriety - I wouldn’t have anything on this list without it.

there are some creative projects I’m really looking forward to in 2025 (maybe a podcast?? working on my book. teaching more workshops. assisting YTTs in the fall). I’ll start the year off being deeply intentional, leading a 40 day (both in-person and online). I’m looking forward to lots of family travel including a ski trip with friends in february (why is skiing so expensive??) and a trip to the outer banks with a dozen friends and their families. a solo week of meditation in panama (!!). hopefully lots of nauset beach time. turning 40 and celebrating all my friends who are lucky enough to also do so. pursuing a new certification or course. maybe finally dialing in my nutrition. getting stronger. deepening my devotional spiritual practices (movement, writing & sharing, meditation, learning & studying, cleaning my house, managing my finances). nurturing my current connections. investing some energy into new ones.

what are you looking forward to in 2025? I don’t know what this year will bring, but I do know the most powerful thing we can have is hope.

Manifest Your Best

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