once I had my own children, mother’s day became an easier pill to swallow. it could be a celebration of my motherhood. I could focus on what I had rather than what I lacked. and this kind of worked.

last year we planted a garden. in honor of my mom and the mother in me. but this was really the first time I’ve done anything truly in her honor or memory.

I have never been good at ceremony. for many people I know it seems to come naturally for them to celebrate the milestones. the missed birthdays. the anniversary of a loved one’s death. my parents were both died in the months they were born. which never occurred to me until right now. I have mostly tried to bury my head in the sand these days and pretend nothing is happening.

in recent years, through my own therapy and reparenting process, I’ve tried to allow feelings of longing. I first uncovered these feelings a few years ago while working with a coach. when she suggested I read mother’s who can’t love, I was at first very protective of my own mother. I grew up in a family system where criticizing your parents was not tolerated, and speaking negatively/opening about our family life was definitely not allowed. lots of secrets.

but reading this book helped me start facing the truth of my childhood. I am someone who learned to take care of myself physically and emotionally from a very young age. which has given me some of my “superpowers” - such as resilience. but I am self-reliant (to a fault) partly due to not getting my needs met as a child. the neglect was the result of a mix of narcissism (dad), stress/grief (mom), and alcoholism (both).

my longing for nurturing is a feeling I never let myself acknowledge. I just stuffed that emptiness with achievement, busyness, alcohol, and sex.

becoming a loving mother is something I have had to do without a model. I have pictures and ideas of what it looks like from my husband’s family and from friends’ moms. tucking grace into bed used to be the most activating part of my day. I have no memory of ever being lovingly tucked into my bed as a child. when I was postpartum, chris’ mom once cut me a bowl of strawberries that brought me to tears. no one had ever cut fruit for me.

in this major transition in my life I have found myself clueless about how to nourish myself. my hormones are changing. my nutritional needs really matter in how I fuel my body in this season. I grew up making my own eggo waffles for breakfast (or pop tarts), microwaving a potato or nachos or ramen for myself after school, eating school lunch. generally having no idea what eating healthy looked like. I’m a millennial who grew up in the age of diet culture so of course I know how to diet. how to nourish myself though…a different story.

instead of letting myself feel clueless, or allowing shame, my wisest self recently led me to ask for help. and when I did, I learned that our relationship to food is closely linked to our relationship to mom. which makes so much sense. and points me to the clues that tell me I have a lot more to heal.

sharing all this is already incredibly vulnerable, but it feels like the right time to share the introduction to my book with my paid subscribers.

the book is called “I love you all the time”. though it is a book for my children, grace and parker, maybe it will mean something to someone else too…

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leading up to the retreat was an absolute disaster of a week. scheduling mix-ups, an unexpected injury for our of my kiddos that required a hospital visit and xrays, and a cancer scare after my first mammogram. I’ll skip to the part where I tell you everything is fine, because it is, but it was still scary.

I started off my first mammogram with a selfie - planned to post it with a joyful, “don’t forget to get your screenings done!” or something light and fun. getting my boobs squished in a machine (obviously designed by a man) took some fun out of it. then the deflation of being told I needed follow up screening.

after having this experience, I now know follow up screening is very common. especially for your first. as someone who has mapped the customer journey for mammography/breast cancer I already knew how annoying the next part would be. that I might get results in mychart before my provider called, that I might have issues scheduling the follow up screenings. that I’d be sitting in limbo for a few days. luckily they were able to get me in for a follow up screening before my trip (friday afternoon, before leaving saturday morning).

I texted chris as soon as I got to the imaging center - pink ribbons everywhere - “I should have had you come with me, I hate this”. my mind was resolute in convincing me everything was fine. my body felt otherwise. they did the follow up imaging then requested I stay for an ultrasound.

ugh.

then everything ended up being fine.

for me.

thank god.

but all I could keep thinking about was my best friend’s experience when she found out she had breast cancer. and all the other women who leave that office with worse news.

with a family history of cancer (even though not breast), cancer is a trigger for me that I have come no where close to working my way through. I have so much medical trauma from weeks spent in hospitals. from years spent as my dad’s health proxy. from the days in the hospital I saw each of my parents and my grandmother for the last time.

needless to say it took me days to drop into the retreat experience.

looking back on my journaling from day one, I see a woman who was open to this experience. a woman who felt expansive and hopeful and grateful. radiant and divine. I also see a woman who was not being honest about how she was feeling. exhausted. pulled in too many directions. closed off.

despite a desperate need to rest, I booked excursions for myself. when we were meeting the horses that would take us through a hundred acre farm and onto the beach for a sunset ride, the guide shared something that struck me. “the horse doesn’t like it when your outsides don’t match your insides.” in other words, if you’re nervous, don’t pretend you feel fine. let your outer emotions be an honest reflections of your inner emotions. well…my horse must have smelled me coming. because from the second I got on, he started acting out. charging forward to be the leader. as soon as I would stop him, he’d go again. stubborn and indignant to my commands. I found out later this horse was used to being ridden by the guide, so he was the usual leader. “chief” was his name and we got used to each other and our roles on this ride after a few deep breaths.

our guide shared similar sage advice to one of my friends who was nervous as we were going through a ravine…

“trust the horse”.

this surrender, even on the horse, struck me in a way I couldn’t stop thinking about.

trust the universe. the energy that is already in motion. that you are not in control. that it’s not all up to you…in fact none of it is really up to you.

by midweek I was feeling homesick. I found myself missing my family. missing the studio. missing my life. which I realized, once I got home, was extremely valuable validation. that I am exactly where I meant to be in this season of life.

I am doing what I am meant to be doing.

I am designing a life I don’t need to escape from.

that’s been a big part of my sobriety and a big part of intuiting my way into my new life as an entrepreneur.

when we stop trying to control, we are free to enjoy the ride. when our outside world matches our inside world, we are living in alignment. our suffering is the result of our expectations - perceived and self-imposed. “it is not your job to give people what they expect”, one of my new friends shared at the perfect moment in the week. the challenge is to continually soften. to remain open in a world that pushes us to close. to remain awake when we are constantly numbing and “falling asleep” to life.

throughout the week we followed the lessons of pema chodron’s book “the wisdom of no escape and the path of loving-kindness”. we took refuge in the three jewels of buddhism - the buddha (the teacher - aka you), the dharma (the teachings - the 8 fold path - the way), and the sangha (the community). and I found myself missing the sangha we have started to create right here at home at manifest. chodron describes the sangha as “the brotherhood or sisterhood of people who are committed to taking off their armor”. and I feel so grateful that we get to practice doing that together in our studio (and in our community here on the cape). holding sacred space for that is my job right now.

I came home re-inspired to cultivate bodhichitta - the awakened heart. “may I grow, heal, and awaken so I can help others do the same”. the heart of the path transforms personal growth into service, holding space for pain without trying to fix.

at the heart of the retreat, I learned I am pure love energy.

and you are too!

that awakening is available to all of us - all it requires is commitment and devotion to living. to opening. to softening.

being honest about how I feel means that I need to receive and not just give, the sound healer shared with me. I need to be seen, be witnessed, be held. and by thursday morning I remembered - I need a sobriety support meeting. I don’t know why I thought I wouldn’t need one just because I was on retreat in paradise. but I need a meeting every week. sometimes several. I need boundaries. I need to honor my limitations.

being on this trip was a privilege and a blessing and I am grateful the stars aligned in a way that made it happen. with the exact women who were there. after last year I knew I was meant to return to sansara, that I was meant to bring certain women there - I just didn’t know how and I didn’t know who. as katy recapped in her post, the week felt divinely orchestrated and I know in my heart it unfolded exactly as it was meant to.

the week helped me recommit to my asana practice, to my meditation practice, and to my devotion to my life and my mission.

as easy it is to “wake up,” it is just as easy to go back to sleep - abandoning mindful eating, inviting social media and TV back in, falling victim to overconsumption (of food, media, material things). staying in sacred energy in our modern world requires living with a great deal of intention.

it’s also easy to be mindful when you are staying at a 5-star resort with no responsibilities. the key is taking the monastery with you back into your daily life where you are responsible for the cooking, cleaning, laundry, schedules, work, childcare, life administration.

for me, that starts with living in alignment where my outside world matches my inside world. and getting my butt to the bolster every single day for meditation.

…and…

acknowledging grief and the challenge I have to honor transitions. I tend to power through them and I want to do it differently this time.

I am mourning (and celebrating) the end of my corporate career (if you missed it, I write about that here), while I am also embracing my role as a studio owner and entrepreneur. if I’m being honest, some days that feels more scary than exciting. but as we know, courage is not the absence of fear, but doing it scared. so here I am, stepping into this new chapter. stepping into the unknown. all while knowing it is exactly where I am meant to be.

xo*

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what started as a journal entry is coming over here to substack…what better way to process raw emotion while you’re in the thick of it than to write about it for anyone on the internet to read.

here’s the truth: I am having a week. maybe you are too. I came into therapy yesterday fully loaded. a full roster of topics I needed to talk through, work through, and “figure out”. it’s all sorted now (ha…just kidding, wouldn’t it be great if that’s how it worked).

the first thing I needed to recognize is how much has happened since we last met two weeks ago. life is evolving so fast for me right now. there is a lot of change. a lot of transition. and I don’t always see that or honor that.

while I was there something ELSE came up (other than the 17 things I brought with me). I mentioned I’m struggling with feeling fragmented. I haven’t stepped fully into my role as studio owner. and what that means as it relates to my identity.

when I took laura mckowen’s bigger yes course two years ago I discovered that I am a leader, who is also a healer. at my essence, that is who I am. I have it written next to my desk where I can see it every day. a piece of art I made goes with it and says “she who leads with love”. at my core, that is who I am. my highest, most authentic self.

but I still have these protector parts trying to keep me safe.

things are shifting for me at work. and while it feels right and aligned, it has also set my nervous system on fire. there is a protector part of me that’s scared. and she’s been making me very anxious. but what I figured out yesterday is that I need not dismiss her. I need to thank her for working so hard and getting me to where I am today. to let her know I appreciate her and understand why she’s scared, but that it is her time to rest.

I’ve written about my own IFS work in the past, but it’s really hard to see it sometimes when you’re going through it.

what I’ve been afraid to step into in owning the studio is my role as a spiritual teacher and leader. a healer. what I’ve uncovered is that IS my true self. there are just parts of me that have been trying to keep me safe from stepping into that. afraid to let me claim it, live it, be it.

it’s what has me feeling like none of my clothes fit. like I don’t know what to eat or where to put my hands.

after teaching in the studio this morning my hands are holding my heart.

I want to come back from my panama retreat feeling more integrated. and I fully recognize that’s not a particularly realistic expectation for a week away. but what I can do is scoop up all these parts, bring them with me, sit with them, hear them out, listen to what they’re afraid of and reassure them I’ve got this. that they can rest now. that they are safe to play and have fun. let their guard down. stop gripping so tight. I’m not getting rid of them, they got me here, but I don’t need them in the driver’s seat anymore.

sending you all love as I leave for another big adventure. sacred rest and nourishment in the company of likeminded women. letting myself be held by this group, by this special place, and these magical people…what could be better than that?

big love

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we could panic and stop the presses, or we can tend to our little corner of the world. keep our side of the street clean, and go on trying to live lives worthy of the sacrifice of our military. lives full of freedom. and love. so at the risk of coming across as very naïve, I’m going to go on writing about my silly little life.

(I went down a rabbit hole while writing this and watched this literal TED talk called “the case for making art when the world is on fire” by amie mcnee and it was inspiring).

also, if your nervous system is needing extra tending these days…there is nothing wrong with it/you. your nervous system is doing what it is designed to do - alert you to threats. it is constantly scanning your environment for clues. which is why you need to cultivate a life that sends signals to your nervous system that you are safe. filter out social media. make comforting foods. create consistent routines. hug. move. I’ve mentioned it before but the best resource I have found on this topic is “heal your nervous system” by dr. linnea passaler. the book is DENSE. if you want a cheat sheet, here are 47 practices to heal a dysregulated nervous system.

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when I originally sat down to write this post I wanted to give you some updates on how life is going. the first 40 days of 2026 felt like a sprint. between opening and operating the studio, kicking off yoga teacher training, and leading the 40-day…the time between new years and valentine’s day was insane. mind you…I ADDED all this on top of what was already a very full life. I work full time. I have two busy kiddos. my husband owns his own business that I help him manage. so it was like adding another full time job into the mix. I knew it wasn’t sustainable, but it was how it had to unfold.

you can’t fake a spiritual practice. or a physical one. and the honest truth two months into this, is that I need more time for both. when the studio first opened I was attending all classes, on top of teaching 8 of my own. that lasted exactly one week. I can’t physically do that, not to mention how terrible it felt to spend all that time away from my family. balance is a core part of yoga. not just the balance that gets you into half moon or tree pose. creating a balanced life. blending effort and ease. the middle path.

so while throwing myself into life at the studio was unsustainable, lacking a commitment to my devotional practices - the discipline, the tapas - is not the answer either. I could make an excuse about the weather but I haven’t walked to the beach in the morning in months, haven’t cold dipped. I could make an excuse about my schedule but I haven’t zoomed into yoga (or taken it much at the studio). I’m still finding what sustainable, devoted practice looks like during this phase of my life.

meditation doesn’t work unless you actually do it. same goes for your asana practice.

but here’s what I HAVE been practicing. loving kindness. I’ve been very kind, gentle and compassionate with myself. I’ve been resting. I’ve been sleeping. I’ve been journaling. I’ve been celebrating my accomplishments. I’ve been prioritizing my peace. I’ve been focusing on my obligations to our family, to the studio, and to my corporate job. I’ve been present. I’ve been calm (for the most part). I’ve been using my breath.

I was struck last week when someone said something to me about making it look easy. I actually hate that. I hate that I made getting sober look easy and I hate that I made starting my own business look easy.

if we’re friends in real life and you think I’ve been making this look easy, I sincerely apologize because that’s not honest. it’s not true or helpful. the truth is that it has been really hard. BUT. it’s been worth it because it is exactly what I wanted. I wanted this place. I wanted to pour my love and attention into this work. it’s the work I believe I’m meant to be doing in the world. but the way I did it (on top of everything else) was incredibly painful.

so much so that I have some major news for you…

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it’s been 3 weeks since my last love note and for good reason. I birthed a whole business baby! I’m excited to check in with you and share the good, the really good, the hard, the magic…all of it.

I’ve said a few times that for anyone from the outside looking in, it must look like all of this has happened so fast. but the truth is I’ve been planting these seeds since we moved to the cape at the end of 2022. they’ve been growing beneath the surface and have just shot up all at once in this moment…supported by the universe and divine timing.

the grief I felt leaving my home yoga studio in CT transmuted into a longing. a desire to create into the white space. a gap I felt but couldn’t explain. and honestly, I didn’t know if it would translate. in my head and in my heart, this studio was different. special. you could feel it when you walked in. you felt welcome. invited. accepted. like you belong. your body and spirit felt different at the end of your practice. empowered. challenged. nourished. lit up.

but translating a business plan and an idea into a physical manifestation of a dream is a subtle thing. and one week in I’m relieved and grateful to say…people get it. when they come in they can feel it.

through our soft launch and our opening we’ve had over 160 bookings over the past 8 days (!!) what a wild joy to welcome all these students into the space. our grand opening was such a celebration. a victory lap. supported by friends, mentors, and family. and also just the beginning. one of my mentors texted me afterwards, “rest now, the work continues tomorrow”. and I FELT that. and I also napped for two hours.

through this process I’ve realized there really are only so many hours in a day. my capacity is not infinite, as much as I may like to think that it is. the past few months have been full of tradeoffs. daily decisions. just doing the next right thing. and the next right thing hasn’t always been easy. I’ve had to let go of a lot. learning which balls are rubber and which balls are glass.

I first came to understand the term “labor of love” through motherhood. but this studio…has truly been a labor of love. my husband’s love and labor poured into the space for weeks making it ready for us. one of the most beautiful acts of devotion I have ever witnessed was him tirelessly showing up day after day over christmas break putting in countless hours. my mother in law cooked for us. friends watched the kids - taking them to see santa, ice skating, playing, carpooling to hockey.

the mental load has increased. the physical labor is demanding. and some things are just falling off. the dog isn’t getting walked. dinners aren’t being made. my own practice is suffering. I’m slamming emergen-c and propolis throat spray every day to keep my immune system strong. a labor of love is still labor. I’m exhausted…but in the most contented way.

and the labor continues. there is now always something to do. work for my corporate job. tending to the business of running the studio. teaching. leading my new staff. all the domestic labor around our home that never stopped. and we pivoted straight from opening the studio to filing chris’ LLC to expand his electrical practice. and honestly? I feel so. damn. lucky. to get to do it all. life is abundant right now. my hands and heart are very, very full.

our calendars require much more coordination these days. the meal planning has gotten much more important. rest is more critical than ever. movement, meditation, nourishment…all non-negotiable. everything that doesn’t matter has fallen away. burned away. shed. it’s just…gone.

one of the women in my life wrote me a letter reflecting back to me the times my dharma…my calling…has brought me to my knees. this is one of those times. on my knees and praying. and also…just letting it be simple. holding nothing…

the world is experiencing chaos right now. I know it has been for years but the fever pitch feels like it is peaking. sometimes it feels insane to be launching a brick and mortar yoga studio right now. instead of thinking I’m crazy, I pray you see the hope in that move. the hope for the future. believing that we can still build beautiful, safe sanctuaries for healing. places we can gather and be together. that showing up for yourself on your mat matters. that chasing your dreams matters.

I’ve opened the studio because of all that is going on in the world, not despite it. people need tools. safe spaces. people need community and connection. people need this shared practice of yoga. through this work we send ripples of kindness and peace into the world. little love warriors leave the studio and march back into our world. we keep our side of the street clean and care for one another with all the love and compassion we can.

as for me, I am learning every day. I have no idea what I’m doing and I’ve already gotten it wrong plenty. courage is not the absence of fear. but showing up anyway. I’ve had to summon a lot of courage through this process. and if there are any moments I’ve made any of this look easy, that’s a lie. it has not been easy. but it is already so worth it.

I have noticed so much growth in my perfectionism. I now have PLENTY of opportunities to practice. I am still just adjusting to the new rhythms of this new chapter of life, and I’m giving myself a lot of grace. I used to attach to perfectionism to cope and survive and there is just no room for it in my life right now. I have to show up messy and imperfect or I wouldn’t be showing up at all.

this weekend we start yoga teacher training in the studio. it is an honor of a lifetime to have the opportunity to pass down these sacred teachings. I am overwhelmed and grateful that we will have training happening in the studio. I know it will help build community and it will change lives (it absolutely changed mine). it was meant to be.

and in march I’ll be traveling back to sansara. every muscle in my body is looking forward to this trip. to this exhale. to this opportunity to practice and meditate and swim and walk and surf and be alive. I’d love if you’d consider coming with me. I’m going to allow myself to be held by sansara. by the sangha. by the heat and the staff and the stillness. picture yourself by the pool…at the spa…on the beach. and then just say yes to taking care of yourself in this way. I know this trip is going to be truly amazing and I hope you’ll be there with me…

ok, love you, bye.

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I am full of gratitude. I just sat down to do my final daily morning practice of 2025 and I feel a little tearful. I’ve been feeling this way for a few days, but I’m a little sad to see 2025 go. I’m sad to see it end. and as I type that I know I am probably in the minority here. many people I know are saying good riddance to 2025 in the most emphatic and fiery ways. 2025 brought economic uncertainty to many. it brought layoffs and sickness and tragedy. it brought a horrific news cycle (that I am probably mentally blocking for the most part). for some it brought loss. loss of relationships, loss of identities, loss of hope.

and trust me, I’ve had those years. MANY, MANY of them. I’ve had the years of a parent sick with cancer. years of caregiving. years of months in the hospital. years I’ve been laid off and stressed out and riddled with anxiety and debt and alcohol. years of saying goodbye to loved ones. years of moving. of struggling. of surviving.

but 2025 was not that year for me.

it was truly transformative, in some of the best ways imaginable.

this year I celebrated 40th birthdays with many of the friends I have had for the past two or three decades. I got to cherish their accomplishments and recognize them as the blessings in my life they are. I watched my kids learn to ski for the first time. we took two fun family vacations with friends. we planted a garden on mothers day. I took courses, read books, and listened to podcasts that stretched me intellectually and satiated my curiosity. my people were healthy.

we danced at a wedding, laughed our way down a waterslide, ate lobster on the beach, and dressed as the cast of harry potter on halloween. I hiked talcott mountain and cried happy, healing tears with my sisters. we baked christmas cookies. I watched grace learn and love a new sport (field hockey). we cheered parky on in rink after rink in at least three different states. we watched the fireworks explode over rock harbor with our friends. grace and I ran the girls on the run 5k in boston. I raised money for boston children’s and flowed on my mat with hundreds of other yogis. we dropped grace at her first (and maybe last) sleepover camp. our family added another happy, healthy, gorgeous niece to our crew.

I invested in myself and went on my first international yoga retreat with 24 women I didn’t know, some of whom became like sisters to me. this trip changed my life. it changed me on a cellular level. these things just do. I can’t really even explain it. I had major revelations in my healing journey there. found acceptance and forgiveness around parts of my story I didn’t even know I hadn’t accepted or forgave. I embraced my maternal energy. I began to really sit in my seat as a teacher. I laughed. I swam naked in the pacific ocean. I surfed. and found a teacher in many faces I looked into. and I started to really take my dreams seriously.

co-hosting my first yoga retreat with my dear friend kim in september, surrounded by some of my closest people was a turning point in my year. it was around that time I began to let myself really want the studio. teaching that weekend affirmed for me that this is the work I am meant to do in the world. some of it is teaching and some of it is gentle invitation through example and self-leadership. but that was it. by then the universe was co-creating with me FAST. dreams. seeds. whispers of longing that had been on my heart were now out there in the world and HAPPENING.

all the love all of my people had poured into me over my 40th birthday was 100% part of the magic. my biggest challenge was allowing myself to receive it openly, and mission accomplished. I am so lucky. I am so blessed. I am so loved. and GRATEFUL.

the last three months of this year have been a blur. I’ve done my best to stay grounded and focused, but life hasn’t stopped.

through it all I’ve shared as much of my story as I could. there were times I felt overexposed, times I was hiding, but honestly there were times where I was just busy doing all the things. at times I’ve heard from people who have been inspired or moved by parts of my story that I’ve shared, particularly around living alcohol free and my recovery. and THAT is what it’s all about. if I can inspire one person to change their life, the ripple effects that has on their family, their children, their legacy…is enough to bring me to tears. and to help me bear my way through being cringe from time to time.

so where is the lesson in all of this?

people have asked me about tools and methods for manifesting. “manifest method” is the name of my new business. I truly don’t know where that came from, it’s from a place beyond me at this point. but that’s what it is. and what I’ll say for now is this…

manifesting the life of your dreams is simple. it’s not easy, but it’s simple.

the first step is to get really clear on what you want. as the saying goes, “if you don’t know where you’re going, any path will take you there”. there are a million ways to do this. guided by a coach, with a journal, with a vision board. you can write it down. there are all kinds of ways you can tell the universe what you want. but the trick is getting quiet enough to uncover it to start. it may feel woo woo or ridiculous but if you’re afraid to claim what you want, you will probably never get it. you don’t really stumble your way into the life of your dreams.

next you have to build an embodied foundation. this might mean healing your nervous system. it might mean escaping a toxic, unsafe environment. it might mean healing old wounds. this work is hard and it never actually ends. it’s a daily practice. for me it involves daily journaling, spiritual study, getting outside, turning off my phone, getting good sleep, sobriety, sharing vulnerably & honestly, talk therapy, meditation, breathwork, and yoga. I have aspirations for this to include nutrition someday but for now I just do the best I can in that department. if that sounds like a lot…it kind of is. but it’s all just part of my life now. at one point it was tiny practices I’d start adding in day by day. but now daily movement is just automatic. so is the sleep. it gets easier but it’s been almost four years of building this palace of peace.

and then you trust the process.

you release your fears and doubts and impatience with the timing.

I’m also going to be honest. some years are just shit years. we all have them. I’ve had dozens. but that’s the thing about life. it’s not all good, it’s not all bad. in recovery they call this “life on life’s terms”. there is so much in our lives we cannot control. all that needs to be surrendered. and then surrendered again and again. you don’t give up, you give it over.

but the parts you can control? you have agency. you get to decide. and I recognize we don’t all have the same amount of agency. I understand that. but you probably have more power than you allow yourself to claim. you know how a workout makes you feel. you know the magic of meditation. you know how good it feels to take care of your body. and taking care of your body and mind builds a healthy foundation.

I have no idea what 2026 will bring. but I know how I want to feel. I know what I’m trying to attract. what I’m calling into my life.

my word of the year is “free”. it was the word on the opposite side of my rock at the end of my 300hr (if you know you know) and I pray this is the year I get there.

if you’re looking for a simple tool to reflect on ‘25 and set intentions for ‘26, year compass is the guide I’ve been using for the past few years.

if you want to work with me in 2026 there are four ways (for now):

1. book our trip to panama. katy and I are returning to sansara in march leading a women’s retreat and it’s going to be magical. I’m hoping to bring 8 more women. I’ll be teaching ALL LEVELS yoga (no experience needed) every day and katy is the most gentle, loving meditation teacher I know. I know the trip is a big deal. I know you have plenty of reasons to say no. but even if you have the tiniest whisper that this is for you, please book it. it’s hands down the best thing I did for myself this year and none of the rest of my year world have been the same if I hadn’t done it. it changed my life. and I’d love to be sitting on the beach with you in a couple months. seriously, it’s cold, let’s get out of here. when have you EVER done something so amazing for yourself?

2. join the 40 day. I often attribute my transformation over the past four years to a 40 day challenge I did in 2022. the challenge is daily meditation and movement and by signing up you’ll join an accountability group (AWAY from social media) with other women just like you that are looking to build new habits and set themselves up for success in the new year. this is not a “new year, new you” challenge. it’s a gentle invitation to read a book together, learn something new, and cheer each other on. we meet weekly via zoom and you’ll receive daily journal prompts to encourage your self-inquiry. at $89 it’s a great value - a signature program I run only once a year. we start monday, january 5th so don’t miss it…sign up today and get yourself ready!

3. sign up for YTT. if you are local to the cape and want to go DEEP in 2026, yoga teacher training is my recommendation. I did this exact training in 2022 and investing that time and energy in my own self-exploration and learning was a really big deal for me. even if you have no aspirations to teach yoga, YTT was my best lesson in life school. we’ll meet over the course of 8 weekends between january 24 and memorial day weekend. if you have questions about this, please reach out. I’d love to share more info if you’re interested.

4. visit the studio and take class with me. our schedule is live! we’re going to host a friends & family class on january 11th, soft launch our class schedule the week of the 12th, and our grand opening will be on january 17th! I can’t wait to practice with you in 2026.

happy new year loves. hope this is your best year yet.

no matter what it brings, let’s do it together. xo*

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a little gift from me to you. remember, enough is a feeling, not an amount.

you have enough

you’ve done enough

you are enough

I love you ♥️ easy does it 🤍

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and in just a couple of weeks, you’ll hit that in-between stretch. the slow, hazy days between Christmas and New Year’s when time blurs, you’re full of cookies and cheese, and everything feels chaotic and untethered.

this year, I’m hoping you’ll put yourself on your holiday shopping list… and gift yourself a fresh, grounded start to 2026.

if you’ve been with me for a while, you know my whole transformation began with a 40-day challenge. 40 days of intention, devotion, and coming home to myself.

and now… it’s your turn.

the 40-day challenge includes:

• daily yoga

• daily meditation

• daily journaling

that’s it. simple, powerful practices that rebuild momentum, clarity, and self-trust from the inside out.

this will be my third year leading this program, and I’ve witnessed incredible shifts in the women who’ve walked through it. breakthroughs, healthier habits, self-love, emotional healing, renewed purpose.

you can also personalize your challenge. when I first did this in 2022, I added 40 days alcohol-free and on 1/2/26, I’ll celebrate four years sober. one friend layered in whole30 (which, let’s be honest, is no small feat while doing this much yoga!). the beauty is you get to choose what intention you’re ready to cultivate.

each week, we’ll gather on zoom to create a safe, supportive space where you can show up fully. be seen, be encouraged, share your wins and your struggles, and feel held by a community of people moving through this alongside you.

we’ll also read a book together to deepen our mindfulness, embodiment, and inner connection.

I truly hope you’ll join us. whether you’re craving a New Year reset, more community, or a recommitment to caring for your body and mind with tenderness and discipline, this experience will meet you right where you are.

we begin january 5th.
let this be the moment you choose yourself again.

sign up here

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as many of you know, when I sit down to write, I usually don’t know what I have to say. I often don’t even know how I feel. writing has become a powerful tool in my ongoing healing process. sharing my story has helped me make sense of where I am.

right now I feel tired. properly exhausted and more than slightly overwhelmed. if I were one of the women I coach, or one of my friends, I would tell myself to “get out of your head and into your body”. to “come back to your breath”. to get off your phone. to go outside.

and yet…

I get it.

it can be really hard to take our own advice. to do the things we know would make us feel better instead of numb, scroll, or reach for caffeine when we really need water. as I dragged my overtired body home from the airport yesterday, I imagined how I would take care of myself when I got home. wrapping myself up in a blanket, a heating pad, some hot coco and snuggles. but as soon as I walked through the door there was the laundry, the dishes, and the overwhelm from the visual clutter. the people who need me. feelings of needing to “make up” for being gone.

our nervous system loves consistency. when you think of maslow’s hierarchy of needs, you need that solid foundation of physiological and safety needs to be met. and traveling for work sends my nervous system totally out of whack. the packing and leaving send me into “flight” mode. I’ve gotten better at soothing myself while I travel, but the truth is I like the consistency of my home routines. I feel like I can build, thrive, and tap into my creativity with a solid home base.

I have the best partner. he held down the fort with the kids. and at the studio. dropping things with his business to support overseeing the construction in the new space. his parents helped with the kids (and my kids love that time with them). everything is FINE.

and yet…

it will take a little time for me to settle back into the peace of our sanctuary.

gratitude helps.

so does validating my own feelings.

I posted a note here on substack the other day about a brutal panic attack I had a few weeks ago. I got the most lovely response. (p.s. substack is the BEST corner of the internet, we need to protect it at all costs).

what’s been helping me is a mantra from elena brower’s new book. in these moments of stress and overwhelm…an invitation to offer yourself compassion and grace by saying “how human of me”.

I’ve struggled with this affliction of being human. I have resisted it. I find it inconvenient. but how lovely to acknowledge yourself and your struggle in this way.

“how human of me” to have feelings.

“how human of me” to get tired.

“how human of me” to lose my temper, get overwhelmed, make mistakes.

I’m giving myself grace in this season.

of COURSE it’s overwhelming.

of COURSE I am tired.

of COURSE it will be worth it.

I LOVE a new year and I am really looking forward to turning the page.

2025 was my “pivot year” and it did not disappoint.

there are three BIG opportunities to practice with me in 2026:

YTT: we will be offering the LivFree Power Yoga 200hr teacher training in our studio in 2026. teachers from The Yoga Shop will be joining us at Manifest Power Yoga to guide you through the transformational journey of becoming a yoga teacher. this training is one of the most important steps I have taken on my journey. you do not need to intend to teach to participate. I wanted to deepen my yoga practice and learn something new and BOY OH BOY did this training deliver. I am hoping to sign up 6 more students for this program.

Panama: going to Sansara this past March changed my life. I am going back in March 2026 and I would love for you to come with me. this empowering women’s retreat will be full of magic, meditation, yoga, swimming, surfing, dining, connecting, resting, and whatever else YOU need. I am hoping to bring 8 more women and one of those spots just might be for you. even if the idea of investing this time in yourself seems more indulgent than you could ever imagine, I urge you to consider it. ESPECIALLY if it feels absurd. you are worthy of this trip. you are worthy of this experience.

40 Day: the 40 day is an accessible cornerstone program that will set the foundation for your year. my whole life changed when I did my first 40 day in 2022 and I have been leading them for three years since. last year we had 15 women sign up (though this is not just a women’s program!) and they loved taking this journey together. 40 days of intention. 40 days to build new habits. 40 days to start the new year in community and connection (with others and with yourself). this is a virtual offering and we will meet weekly via zoom.

I hope I get to see you soon**

as has become the theme with these notes, A LOT has happened since I wrote you last. when the studio gets up and running I’d like to commit to a more consistent writing schedule, but I am holding everything very loosely right now and doing what I can. doing my best.

last week I announced panama - I am so excited to help lead a group of women on retreat this march. I feel deeply grateful that I get to return to sansara. that I get to practice with my favorite meditation teacher. and that I will get some time to slow down and reconnect to nature, myself, and other women after the hustle and bustle of the next 4 months. if a yoga retreat is on your heart, I really hope you’ll consider joining us. the group is starting to take shape and some of my favorite people on the planet are considering being there. my top manifestation right now is that they commit and we get to look forward to being together. maybe you’re one of them and I really hope you say “yes” to this magical experience. we always think there is later, or next time, but the truth is that later is a lie.

this week I’m going to be announcing something else that is really, really special. I’m going to be running YTT in the studio once we open. I am overwhelmed by the privilege of getting to do this. YTT absolutely changed my life. the work I did in YTT forever shifted my perspective and whether I became a teacher or not, what I learned in YTT has been deeply meaningful and profound. I have a deep reverence for the responsibility of passing down the lineage and teachings. I’ll share more details soon, but if you’re interested or curious, please reach out.

a lot has happened with the studio - we launched on social media, started building our newsletter list, and most importantly…we secured the loan we were seeking to make it all happen. I am so grateful that I was able to convey what will be so special about what we are going to build.

today I’m meeting with the landlord to go over some final details in the space and we’ll shift gears into working on the build out. I’m excited to spend more time in the space and start bringing it to life.

I’m already connecting with teachers eager to teach in the space.

I’m fueled by the excitement over what we are building.

and at the same time…all the outward sharing has left me at times feeling really vulnerable.

I don’t know what it looks like from the outside, but these are seeds I have been quietly watering for years.

I am not someone who has ever had a safety net. I have a great deal of privilege for how hard my parents worked so we could live in a good school system and so I could get into a good college. but my life has not been easy. my childhood was not easy. I have built and enormous amount of resilience and gratitude. and I’ve built a life I am tremendously proud of. but none of it was given to me.

I have a delusional level of confidence and I am making courageous choices. AND I still get scared and stuck in cycles of overthinking and overwhelm. two things can be true.

I wake up at 4:30am AND I am useless after 5pm.

I am good at setting boundaries. AND I have a tender heart and thin skin.

I am calling in the students who are going to love practicing in the space, the community we will build, the knowledge students will learn, the teachers that will welcome and support them, the fun, the sweat, the healing, the growth, the transformation. all of it.

I was able to go “home” to simsbury, CT where I grew up, over the weekend and have a sisters weekend. I was able to celebrate one of my high school girlfriends’ son’s first birthday. I practiced at the yoga shop…my original yoga home…with one of my besties and my OG teachers. climbed talcott mountain. ate little city pizza. went out to dinner at abigail’s. got bagels at brookside. snuck in some sweet cousin visits and connected with friends.

and for as much as I’ve grown and changed, it’s weird to go home. I feel so different than the girl that lived there, even three years ago. I know I would not be where I am today if I had not moved away. I needed that space to break cycles and patterns and conditioning and free myself from old roles I had outgrown.

I’m so grateful for our brave decision to move to the beach. and also…grateful that I can still go “home”. I get to watch and be aware of how much I have changed. and witness the parts that still need some love and attention.

wherever you are on your journey this week, please know you are not alone.

xo*

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good morning loves. I’m writing to you from under the the brightest supermoon to invite you to come to panama with me this march. I’m so excited to offer this trip as part of opening my new studio. if you have had a yoga retreat or a trip for yourself on your vision board, this is your sign that NOW is the time to book it.

when I booked my 2025 trip to panama, I really had no business doing so. I couldn’t particularly afford it. I didn’t know anyone else going. leaving my family for a week felt self-indulgent and selfish and impossibly long. and yet…

and yet I felt the pull towards something deeper.

I had a desire. a longing. a knowing.

and I’m so glad I trusted it.

I put the trip on a credit card and as luck would have it, between my annual bonus and our tax refund, we had more than enough to cover the trip. I trusted that part would work itself out, and it did.

listen, I KNOW the concept of manifestation gets a bad wrap. it’s woo woo. lots of people don’t believe in it. they’re skeptical. skepticism is ok. but what I will tell you is that if you don’t believe, it will never work in your favor.

to me, manifesting simply means getting quiet enough to listen to the deepest desires on your heart and then letting yourself claim them. if you quietly claim them, you’ll plant a little, tiny seed and it will grow over time. if you boldly identify your desires and start telling the universe what you want, it will show up for you. it’s not just a wish or a prayer, it requires aligned action in the direction you’re moving towards.

I had a retreat on my vision board for the year and it happened.

now…while I was there…I knew in my heart the next time I returned to sansara it would be as a teacher. I meditated on it in the shala. I wrote about it in my journal. and then I met with the retreat coordinator, looked at the numbers, and chickened out about booking a week. I explored a few different routes that could have made it work, but nothing fit. the timing wasn’t right. it felt too risky. I had too much fear. blah, blah, blah.

AND THEN…last week I caught up with my friend and meditation teacher katy rexing and she invited me to guest teach her retreat this march. she already has 10 women signed up (and you guys, her people are OUR people, they’re amazing), and I’m committing to attracting 10 women from my circle to join us.

in a previous post I described my experience, but I want to also try to describe sansara...

sansara is the most beautiful place I have ever been. where the ocean meets the land on the southern most tip of north america, cambutal panama is a remote village through the jungle, on the pacific ocean. the resort is the most beautifully curated space I have ever been in. janel and her husband mike built the resort with the most loving intention, and it shows.

the hospitality is unlike anything I have experienced anywhere else. everyone on staff learned our names from day 1. they learned our preferences. they took care of us as they nurtured us and fed us throughout the week. they held sacred space for us as we moved through the week, each of us on our own inner journey. the food was INCREDIBLE and the signature drinks and mocktails at the bar were amazing (there is a full bar for people who care to drink). having someone else cook and prepare meals with such loving intention for me all week, made me feel so cared for. I’m not going to lie, I also sent my laundry out to be cleaned while I was there and having someone else do my LAUNDRY?? you guys, seriously??

every morning I took a long walk down the beautiful, miles-long flat, black sandy beach. I swam in the pool and in the ocean. we meditated and moved in the most beautiful yoga shala.

we laughed. I connected DEEPLY with many of the women. I made a few deep friendships I carry with me still today. this was not a surface-level retreat. we’d sit down at dinner and I’d be like, “tell me about your childhood trauma??”. hahaha. half kidding.

there was also plenty of time to nap in a hammock, relax in my room, lay by the beach, read by the pool. it’s very much a “choose your own adventure” kind of trip.

there are optional excursions like horseback riding and waterfall hiking and sunset boating. and SURFING. you guys, I took my first surf lesson there and rode…I kid you not…20 waves. the surfing coaches get in the water with you and are super encouraging. everyone in my group got up and caught waves.

and the SPA changed my life. I got three spa treatments while I was there. I’m not kidding when I say I had a transformative experience with one of their massage therapists.

you don’t need to book it with a roommate. I booked my trip solo and katy paired me with a perfect match.

katy shares more on what you can expect here, if you want to learn more.

and here’s a link to book it. just do it. WHY NOT?! life is short, no year is promised. please don’t put it off for later when we don’t know if “later” is real.

I know I wrote in all caps a lot, but it’s because I’m really excited and I really truly hope you’ll join me. I will be teaching LivFree yoga every day (all-levels power vinyasa). I’m sure we’ll also have some restorative and gentle flows as well as sunrise and sunset meditations. please reach out if you have questions or want to talk about it more. or just message me to let me know you are in!

if you are a woman recovering from or actively fighting burnout, this trip is for you. if you hate your job and it’s killing you, this trip is for you. if you need to escape from the world, this trip is for you. if you’re a mom or a wife or a daughter, you will find many other women you’ll relate to about that and this trip is for you. if you are retired, entering a new phase of life, want to get away from your children, need to get away from work, want to reward yourself, need some time to process grief, or just need space, this trip is for you. if you are a spiritual seeker looking for deeper purpose and meaning in your life, this trip is for you. wherever you are on your yoga journey, newbie or advanced practitioner, this trip is for you. if you are a beginner at meditation and want to go deeper, this trip is for you. if you love to laugh, love to travel, love adventure…or if you want to have MORE of that in your life…this trip is for you.

let’s go to panama.

book it

one of the coolest parts has been hearing from people who live in our community who are really excited about it! they’re probably not reading my substack, but we live in a SMALL seaside town where everyone talks and everyone knows each other, so word has gotten around fast. hearing from people who say they can’t wait or that they will come is so exciting to me.

I’ve also gotten a super supportive response from other local studio owners, which is really important to me and has been a critical part of my process. being really transparent and open with them along the way. I’m excited to collaborate - our community is small, especially in the off-season - and anything we can do to bring more yoga into the world is a good thing in my mind.

I promised I’d bring you guys along for the process, so hop in kids…let me tell you about my week!

this week my main goal was to get some of the financial foundation set. I’ve been in a delicate dance with the landlord as I’ve been waiting to review the proposed lease for weeks. waiting on this piece was creating a really tight crunch on the timeline, so I’ve had to stop waiting to move forward on other items. so we are crossing our fingers and toes that 1) we receive the lease - today, I’m told and 2) everything looks good to go, or we can meet in the middle on redlines.

I wish more entrepreneurs were transparent about the start up process so others could learn from their experiences, so I’m going to share as much as I can along the way. it really helped me, for example, to hear from an author I admire about the financial realities that made it possible for her to quit her job and go all-in on writing. I think we sometimes wrongly assume that we can do all of this “on the side”, and the truth is, that’s not always the way to do it. but we still have mortgages and bills to pay. so how is this happening??

in terms of funding the studio, there’s lots of different approaches studio owners can take. many “bootstrap” their business - putting in personal savings and utilizing credit card debt to get things up and running. others may have investors that help give them the seed money for the build out and expect repayment once the studio starts making money. at the moment, we’re trying to get a small business loan from a local community bank to fund the build out and operating costs for the initial months.

there’s not a TON of “build out” required in the space we’re going for. we need to build a hallway, buy the infrared heating panels, and make some small cosmetic improvements to the space - wallpaper, paint, mirrors, curtains, front desk. there are other investments we’ll need to make in the business as well - legal costs, signage, marketing costs, stereo equipment, equipment and props. all in, I’m estimating this will cost $30k (the heating panels account for about half of that). that is a very LEAN build out. anecdotally I’ve heard $75-100k to be the typical range for a build out, with some owners spending even more than that, but it is really dependent on the space.

given I’m attempting to open in the “slow season” here on the cape, I’m also building in a buffer for operating costs cash reserve.

all in we’re seeking a $60k small business loan (I feel like I’m on shark tank writing that, ha). and even just the process of applying for a loan has definitely brought up some of my “money stuff”. aside from just loathing administrative tasks, there are definitely insecurities that get triggered with this kind of stuff.

when the commercial loan officer at the bank initially called me back to discuss, I felt like I had to defend my qualifications to even APPLY for a loan. (actually, I didn’t just feel that way, I definitely AM still in the pre-qualifying stage — I’ve sent him the business plan and my initial attempt at a cash flow projection. he sent me back a much more detailed spreadsheet to complete…which I immediately forwarded to my amazing financial advisor who hopped on the phone with me and spent two hours walking me though. all this is before even being invited to fill out the application and submit our tax returns and all that stuff stuff…so we will see.). his questions were very simple, and none of which were condescending or rude…they just made me feel like I had something to prove in the way I responded. (*and I’m sure it’s not all in my head or feelings, there are very real power and gender dynamics at play for all female entrepreneurs, despite progress that’s been made). despite the fact that I went to business school and have been in marketing for 20 years…the bank doesn’t know whether those skills can translate into a profitable business launch. (frankly, I don’t know that either, ha!). there are some factors that make me a less risky bet though. I plan to keep my relatively high-paying corporate job. and we own a home with a lot of equity.

if we don’t get the loan…there are other options. there are a million different ways we could do this. we could take out a home equity line of credit, we could use other assets - like our beloved truck - as collateral, I could drain our emergency savings (not ideal), I could tap into my retirement funds. those are routes I’d rather not go down, and I don’t HAVE to do anything. so we’ll see how things play out in the next couple of days, there will definitely be some decisions to make.

in a perfect world (which I recognize we don’t live in), I’m hoping that the timing will line up between signing the lease and getting the funding. in other words, I’d rather not lock into the lease until I know whether we’ll have that funding source, and I’ve been delaying seeking funding until I knew for sure the lease was moving forward. I dragged my feet in that dance for a few weeks and this week I finally had to just keep marching forward. staying in action.

yesterday I set up my business checking and business savings account so that was a big old check off my to-do list. I had filed for the LLC back in September when I learned those accounts were contingent on getting an EIN (a business tax ID).

anyways…I know I kept it REAL real in today’s post, but I thought it might be helpful. I don’t have tens of thousands of dollars socked away that we’re falling back on to open this studio and I think it’s helpful to get a sense of the HOW.

there’s a lot to wrap up here, but I’m hoping over the weekend I can start to shift my attention to the marketing side of the business - the branding, the website, the launch plan - which is the part I really love. turns out, there’s lots of hats to wear at once! maybe by next week I’ll be ready to share more on that side of the house.

also, I shared my sobriety story in a moms subgroup of my sobriety support community this week and went much deeper than I have before. it helped me put a few more pieces of the puzzle together in my mind and it was deeply emotional. maybe I’ll share more here soon, but it’s still pretty tender (and would definitely be paywalled). I spent a few hours writing it, 20 minutes sharing it, and an hour calming my nervous system afterwards. but processing it in writing and out loud helps. a LOT.

in the meantime, we have halloween to celebrate. and while all this is happening in my little world, there is a lot going on in our actual world. I hope you know that I do not share all this here and on IG (@_manifestyourbest_) without awareness around that. my honest wish is that me building my little studio…what will be OUR little studio…is a sign of hope. a sign that there are still good things going on in the world. and that I’m trying to build a little sanctuary for us. for our growth and for our healing. a place where we can learn, and breath, and move, and be together. and it’s not just despite all that’s going on in the world, it’s because of it, that I want to build a space for us.

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comment below if there is something I’m not seeing or something I’m not considering that I should be in terms of funding and startup costs. how did you fund your small business if you have one? do you have “money stuff” that translates into fear or insecurity sometimes? feel free to respond via email or text if you’d rather not comment, but I’d honestly love to hear from you about any experiences you have!

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and I can’t keep it to myself anymore.

I’m opening a yoga studio.

the “liminal space” I’ve been in for the past month has been the space in between knowing (for sure, for sure) that I want to do this and knowing (for sure, for sure) that it is happening.

ironically, the word “nauset” (the beach where we live) means “a place between”. a place between the land and the sea.

let’s go back to the beginning, because obviously this dream has been manifesting over years, not weeks.

this is a dream I’ve turned over and over in my mind. I’ve tried to talk myself out of it. I’ve tried to let it go.

between my 200 hour training and my 300 hour training, our family decided to move to the cape. the hardest part of moving was leaving our family and friends. the second hardest part, was leaving my yoga home. (for reference, 3rd hardest part was access to takeout/delivery and 4th was access to healthcare, ha).

the grief of that “loss” was softened by my 300 hour training. I traveled home to CT one weekend every month to be with my yoga community and deepen my training. I got to be with my teachers and my people. I also zoomed into the glastonbury studio and cried on my mat from home. missing my people and missing the way it feels in that room. the safety. the sanctuary. the sacred space.

after getting my family and our home settled, I started to explore studios here. teaching at some, taking classes at some. and really missing home. I thought if I stopped zooming in and threw myself into the community here I would stop missing it. but that feeling never went away. and I never “lost” my community. they’ve been cheering for me every step of the way.

I have actively resisted the idea of opening my own studio here on the cape. for a million reasons. there are already so many great yoga studios here. I have a full-time job. it’s a huge risk. commercial real estate here is hard to find (and expensive). there is extreme seasonality. etc. etc. etc. it would be “easier” to just not do it.

but what you resist persists.

in the course I’m currently taking from laura mckowen called “the bigger yes” she shares a quote from the gospel of thomas:

“if you bring forth what is within you, then what you bring forth will save you. and if you do not bring forth what is within you, what you don’t bring forth will destroy you.”

and I believe that is true.

she also reshared this recently, and I just cannot get it off my mind…

in sacred circle in my 300 hour teacher training a “part” of me cried to my teacher annie the 9th weekend (sept 2023). asking her if she’d still love me if I DIDN’T open a studio.

because this is something that had to come from me. I had to want it for myself. not because I thought anyone else expected me to. not to impress or please or seek validation or pride. this couldn’t be an expression of “success” or the “next step” in some invisible ladder. I needed a deep and powerful why.

and in the past month I found it.

the transformational healing power of yoga saved my life. and that is something I want to share with every one I can. through the power of community. the power of healing.

sweat. heal. transform.

I know I am going to build something really special. and that the people that are meant to find it will find it. and that they will love it. and add to it. and feel like they belong. and that the people who are meant to build it with me will appear. and I will be supported each step of the way.

on my 40th birthday last month I felt more “me” than I ever have.

grounded. present. whole.

there were signs that it was almost time.

but I still had fears creep up about the timing. with my kids, specifically. because I don’t want to miss it - their childhood, which is going by so fast - and I already feel like I miss so much.

but the truth is, it’s powerful for them to watch their mom chase her dreams. I’ve talked to them about what I want for them. for their future. and to be honest, it doesn’t look a lot like my path. I want them to believe in themselves and find what lights them up. all I want for them is for them to be truly happy. how can I wish that for them, but not for myself?

for the past several years on this transformational journey I’ve been on, I’ve just been following the breadcrumbs. one conversation leads to one decision, leads to another and the next. and they’ve all led me here to this point.

there have been so many tiny pushes in the past month solidifying my conviction. I first envisioned the space and started pursuing it the week before the retreat kim and I hosted at the end of september. finding a good fit in the commercial real estate market here has been really challenging. and in many ways this seemingly just fell into place. I took chris to see it and when we got back it the car he could barely contain his excitement for me. he lovingly said, “I think if you don’t do this, you’re a silly girl”.

that weekend my wise friend jess said “it’s ok to let yourself want something” because I was still holding myself back. trying to couch my potential disappointment if it didn’t work out. that weekend of teaching, I knew. but I still wasn’t letting myself want it out loud.

something shifted since then. a breakthrough. I started talking about it. believing it is going to happen. releasing fear. releasing control. releasing the need to know the “how”.

surrendering.

I’ve been reading “the pivot year” by brianna wiest - a daily reading each morning this year - and this was the reading yesterday:

then I zoomed into annie’s class and got my first headstand. I shared about this yesterday on instagram (@_manifestyourbest_) and want you to know, this is 100% not about the pose. in fact, there’s a great reading I’ve shared many times called “it’s not about the headstand”. so…it’s not about the headstand but it IS about the breakthrough. perfectionism was the dragon I was slaying in my 300 hr teacher training. for me, it’s tightly tied to fear and has held me back from trying many things. from going for it. from creation and creativity. on my mat and in my life. “free” was my word at the end of my training. honestly, looking back, that was a little aspirational when I wrote it then. releasing fear is still a battle for me. but I am cultivating and calling in that “free” feeling. and yesterday with my feet floating above my body, I felt pretty free.

I want to take you along with me for the ride. I have a few reservations about that - about sharing the messiness of this process with you - but I have also committed to sharing vulnerably and maybe sharing it will help you. maybe it will help me! the past four and half weeks have been really difficult at times. I’ve been in my head. overthinking. and if you know anything about yoga (or the delusions of becoming an entrepreneur), you know that is the worst place to be. I’ve had to get back on my mat and back to my devotional practices. one of which is sharing my truth with you. living my life out loud.

so the studio is coming out of my head and into the world.

manifest power yoga has entered the chat.

next up this week: finalizing the terms of the lease, a big girl trip to the bank, and pretending I can design a website.

subscribe to follow along.

love you*

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yoga saved my life. or maybe sobriety saved my life.

in reality, it’s definitely both. for me, the two are so inextricably linked.

I couldn’t pull those threads apart if I wanted to.

I had been practicing yoga sporadically for years. mostly as a counterbalance to running.

but it wasn’t until a 40-day challenge in january 2022 that I dedicated my life to daily yoga and sobriety.

maybe you’ve strung together 40 days of sobriety many times.

or maybe you’ve had so many sober streaks you lost count (or never counted) the days.

outside of my two pregnancies, I spent most of my life drinking.

from age 12-36, I drank pretty much all the time.

after I had kids, I had tried (and failed) sober october and dry january.

nothing worked.

until it did.

the combination of sobriety and yoga proved to incredibly powerful.

turns out I had decades of trauma, addiction, and disembodiment to heal from.

maybe you’ve never struggled with addiction the same way I have.

maybe you haven’t suffered the same losses.

but we all have healing to do.

you don’t make it through life without pain and heartbreak.

and yoga helped me move those emotions through my body.

of course, it’s not just the asana part of yoga that helped.

it was meditation. and spiritual study. and self inquiry. and community. and practicing non-attachment and non-judgement.

learning the teachings that have been passed down for thousands of years. and doing my best to practice those teachings - integrating them into the life of a modern householder.

to say these practices (yoga and sobriety) saved my life sounds dramatic.

but it is true.

I had spent decades trapped.

in my perfectionistic, people-pleasing, over-achieving, over-functioning, alcohol-riddled body. in a life that looked like success from the outside. from “normal” american standards of success. performing. masking. pretending. suffering. anxious. lonely. overwhelmed.

the freedom from alcohol allowed my body to finally heal enough for me to feel my feelings. instead of avoiding them. numbing them. running away.

the yoga allowed me to metabolize those feelings. I cried on my mat. a LOT. for years.

throw therapy into the mix and now we’re cookin’. add in journaling and insights accelerate. plus honesty and telling the truth and wowza.

I can’t tell you what will work for you, I can only share what worked for me. what is working for me.

the gifts of sobriety are too many to mention.

and the wisdom of yoga never ends. it just goes deeper and deeper.

and for that I am endlessly grateful.

big love*

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I believe when you discover what you are meant to do in this world, you have an obligation to do it. to share your most authentic self. I have spent the past couple of years seeking and searching. attempting to deprogram my definition of “success”. my yoga teacher training brought me closer to answers. taking a class with laura mckowen called “the bigger yes” brought me closer. retreats I have attended, books I have read, podcasts I have listened to, discussions with friends and mentors…have all brought me closer to finding that thing. but last weekend, leading my first women’s yoga retreat on cape cod, was deeply affirming for me that I’m closer than ever to what I’m meant to be doing.

I am meant to hold sacred space for people to do the deep work of their heart. to reconnect to their inner knowing. to reconnect to their joy. their peace.

in my work as a yoga teacher, I have always said that my job is to create space for you to have an experience on your mat. every student in my class is there doing different work. some are healing from loss. others are tending their heart after a breakup. coping with the stress and trauma of a divorce. nursing an injury. reclaiming their strength. reconnecting to their breath. taking care of themselves. every student is there doing their own work, but we get to do it collectively together. in my belief system, my job leading the class is not to teach you a perfect warrior two. it is to help you find a new edge and show you how you how strong you are. to help you leave the world behind for 60, 75, or 90 minutes until there is only my voice, your breath, and your body. to hold sacred space for you to do the work.

spending time on retreat last weekend, we were able to disconnect from our phones. to disconnect from the toxic news cycle. to tune in through journaling, meditation, time in nature, time in connection, and yoga instead of tuning out through scrolling. just that part, in itself, is a gift.

but there was so much more.

the women on retreat were able to prove to themselves that their body is a safe place for them to spend time. that they are stronger and more capable than they thought. they were brave enough to put themselves in uncomfortable spaces and through that alone, there is growth.

caretakers refilled their cups. introverts surprised themselves with the ease of connection. we allowed ourselves to be nourished and cared for. to get quiet enough to hear what we need.

one thing I noticed that surprised me was how joyful this healing work can be.

maybe because much of my own healing work has been heavy and dark.

I noticed healing can be light.

I went into the weekend with the goal of “holding nothing”. releasing expectations of how the weekend would unfold. as a leader it was my job to keep my energy clear.

that intention was challenged the week leading up to the retreat when I found myself with huge potential life events unexpectedly unfolding. this is how my manifestations have always worked. a seed is planted, an intention is firmly held, and I go about my life while the universe is silently conspiring in my favor. and then it all falls into place. seemingly all at once. but in reality, it has been over a long period of time. I should get to share more soon - hopefully this week - but in this liminal space I’m reminded of the children’s book “what do you do with an idea?”…

the story follows a young child who discovers an idea. at first, the child feels unsure and even afraid of what others might think. some people dismiss or mock the idea, which makes the child want to hide it.

over time, the child begins to care for and believe in the idea, giving it attention and love. as their confidence grows, the idea grows too. becoming bigger, brighter, and more powerful. eventually, the idea transforms the world around them, showing that when you believe in your ideas and nurture them, they can change the world.

…so I’m protecting my little idea. and over the weekend of retreat, I mostly had to put my idea aside, so I wouldn’t miss the magic of this weekend I had been manifesting for years.

and I did not miss the magic. I basked in the glory of the weekend. and for the past week since I’ve been meditating in celebration and gratitude for the women who trusted us. and for the new knowledge that was revealed to them through the course of carving out this time for themselves.

maybe you don’t have a whole weekend to carve out for yourself right now. so here is a gentle invitation to carve out a few moments each day this week instead.

you have all the answers to the questions on your heart already within you. returning to yourself is a practice. returning to your breath is a practice. returning to you mat is a practice. the feelings of retreat are always accessible and just a few deep solitary breaths away.

and if that feels a whole world away, a lifetime, I hope you’ll join me next time. I’d love to show you how everything you need is already within you.

take care loves*

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I’ve also worked very hard over the past several years to decouple my identity from my career. for a long time the two were inextricably linked. I’ve slowly been letting go of that and deconstructing much of what I’ve been taught a successful career looks like.

this fall, I find our family in a season of transitions again after a couple years of consistency…

I’ve never been too good at honoring transitions.

acknowledging the magnitude of a transition, and the mental/emotional/physical energy it will require, is not something I do particularly well.

I tend to attempt to breeze past them and it always ends up backfiring.

best recent example…when we moved to cape cod.

I made ZERO space for myself to grieve the loss of our old home, our old life. and that was a transition that happened very fast.

we decided we wanted to move in september 2022, put our house on the market in october, and we were here the first weekend in december.

the energy I relied on was excitement.

I kept trying to lean into the excitement of our new house. the gratitude that we were able to pull off such a big move. and I completely ignored the intensity it all.

the weekend we moved we attended my maternal grandmother’s funeral on a saturday, drove the uhauls to the cape on a sunday, and put our kids on the bus to their new school here monday morning.

they had never met their teachers or toured the school.

I remember tears rolling down my mother in law’s face for how brave they were to run off to the bus without looking back. my children have always been securely attached and emotionally resilient, with heaps of confidence.

we were lucky enough to stay with chris’ parents for 6 weeks or so while we renovated our disgusting new home. disgusting is kind of an understatement, it is really hard to express how gross it was. it was a TON of work (mostly done by chris, with lots of help from family and friends). and I managed all the admin and paperwork of taking up residence in a new state, all while working remotely.

it was my yoga teacher training that reminded to make room for grief.

it was grace who reminded me it was ok to miss our old house, our friends, our simsbury traditions. her tears, her longing, her sadness.

sitting with those emotions has always been a challenge for me. making space for my humanity. for the struggle of the human experience. despite the advice I’d give my yoga students, “powering through” is still my go-to.

because our first instinct is to pull out the tool that has always worked for us in the past.

I minimized what a transition it would be having my eldest go from elementary school to middle school this fall. of course I knew there would be changes to our routine that I couldn’t anticipate, but as I started to recognize the magnitude to be bigger than I anticipated over the past several weeks, I have truly tried to give myself grace.

…but it has not been without bumps in the road.

I had a breakdown to my husband last week over a stack of permission slips and forms.

“I think I have to go part time at work! this is a lot!”

as chris has learned to do, he listened patiently to me vent, asked what he could do to support me, and basically knew it would blow over and I would figure it out.

I get overwhelmed, but that wave passes and I metabolize the change.

we get through it.

balancing career and motherhood has never been effortless.

I worked for the same agency for almost a decade from pretty shortly after I graduated college, through our wedding, buying our condo (and then our house), and having two kids.

when my youngest turned one and my oldest was 3, I started working with a career coach. I decided that if I was going to spend 40 hours (or more) away from my kids each week, that I wanted it to be doing something meaningful. or at least something I enjoyed.

through working with this coach I learned to ask for what I needed. which at the time was to work from home two days a week (pre-covid, when this was an unusual accommodation). this gave me the headspace to skip my 40 minute commute so I could exercise. I could multitask and get some chores done while I was on calls. and ultimately, I started exploring what might be a better fit for my skills and desire for growth.

we did some big introspective work to uncover what I liked and disliked about my job. what gave me energy, and what drained me. we dreamed up what my “ideal day” looked like. I started doing informational interviews with people whose careers I admired. I shadowed a woman who owned an ad agency. I talked it out. I defined what I wanted. felt my way into it. and I went for it.

I navigated a major pivot from a very small traditional direct response agency to a digital agency within a healthcare SAAS startup. I started going into an office full of young people. wearing real work clothes. working with collaborative teams. enjoying lunches out and happy hours. challenging myself.

I grew in my role and moved into the consulting practice, which meant I started traveling for work. I had half a dozen west coast clients, and another half dozen scattered throughout the country. work would frequently keep me on the road for 2-3 nights a week, multiple weeks each month. I represented our firm at industry conferences. I presented big deliverables to large teams. I sold big campaigns and large contracts. I managed major relationships with c-suite stakeholders. I earned marriott status, traveling dozens and dozens of nights in a year.

and I got burned out.

like, crash and burn burnout.

my drinking escalated.

beyond something I could recognize or control.

I lost my dad.

I had two preschoolers.

it was a crazy time.

I loved the people I worked with.

and many of those relationships were seriously toxic and dysfunctional.

it was not healthy for me.

at times, it was a lot of fun.

and I grew more than any other phase of my career.

but ultimately…I had to get out.

with grace going into kindergarten, I knew I couldn’t sustain the work travel (or the stress of the job or any of the rest of it). I left the startup for a consulting firm that had a local/regional model that wouldn’t require me to travel.

I started working on a large corporate client account headquartered 10 minutes from my house. I kept this role through covid, but the long hours and demanding stakeholders meant chris had to take a leave of absence from his work to take care of our kids.

my schedule was very demanding trying to deliver the work while also building my reputation at the firm. eventually when the client offered me a spot working directly on her team, that was the best move at the time. unlike other mentors I had previously, she inspired me. the way she balanced her career and motherhood, it looked like it would be possible to “have it all”. she had the kind of life I could recognize and aspire towards.

I did the big corporate thing for a few years and ultimately became disillusioned. for many reasons I won’t get into in this post.

so when I had the opportunity to work with some of my favorite people from my healthcare marketing days, I jumped at the chance.

I knew the pace would be intense compared to my work the past couple of years client-side, but I thought it would be worth it.

as I’ve talked about a quite a bit, in the last couple of years I’ve found myself flirting with burnout again.

and for a while I blamed this on myself.

thinking there must be unhealed parts of myself still chasing achievement and validation. measuring my worth through productivity. people-pleasing. not setting enough boundaries. trying too hard.

I made it a personal failing.

but the truth is…in certain types of roles at certain kinds of organizations…the challenge is systemic.

it is literally how the system of capitalism is designed.

it is designed to suck and squeeze the most productivity out of each “resource”…aka human.

I needed to shift my role to something more intentional and purposeful.

I needed a change of pace from the demands of client calls and deliverables.

I wanted to lean into my passion for employee experience and engagement, using my skills as a “force multiplier” for the agency.

I wanted to influence systemic change.

so since july I’ve been in my new role. and it is a great fit. I’m so grateful the agency made space for me in this type of role and I absolutely love my purpose now. I feel committed to making a difference. and optimistically hopeful that I can.

in terms of motherhood though, I find myself really wanting to be here for them during this time.

both kids have always gone to the “after-school” program so we’d have consistent childcare until 5:30. but this year, in an effort to save ourselves $200/mo and try something new with parker, we’ve been having him come home on the bus on mondays and fridays.

as a 4th grader, he’s pretty independent. he can walk himself home from the bus stop, let himself in, grab a snack, and I can keep working.

but yesterday I found myself welcoming him home, making him a snack, asking about his day, and sitting down to help him with his homework.

the homework!

[last monday was the first monday we tried the new routine and we totally forgot about homework until after dinner. then it was tears and long division. I told the after school director I might have to send him back mondays just for the homework help. math is no joke!]

grace unexpectedly decided to try out for field hockey and she’s loving it! but practice is every day after school and I need to be able to pick her up consistently.

my current position allows me the flexibility to do all this and for that I am exceptionally grateful.

but I find myself craving more time.

more time to write.

more time to teach.

more time to lean into my role as a mother, wife, and householder.

to make dinner.

to walk the dog.

to do the “domestics” as my friends here call them :)

…all the things I’ve always fit into the cracks of my full-time working schedule.

I never imagined myself as the type of person who could work part time.

my mother’s generation taught us that working part time was a lie. that you’d still get all the responsibilities and expectations of a full-time role, just with lower pay and less benefits.

but now, I know plenty of women that are contracting and successfully setting those boundaries. flex work and fractional positions have changed the game.

I have always been ambitious and driven.

and the idea of taking my foot off the accelerator of my career has always been terrifying.

but I don’t want to move from fear anymore.

for the past few years, I have found myself envious of others who have stepped off the ride.

everything I’ve been taught in business school and beyond indoctrinated me with this fear that my income potential would never recover from a career break.

and yet more and more I’m learning from women in my circle who have had the courage to step away. to prioritize their mental health. or the time with their family. or honestly, just physically couldn’t do it anymore and had to honor their body.

there is an entire coaching industry that has popped up trying to support executives in their roles. but what I find most ironic about that is the coaching is coming from ex-executives who had to escape industry to find that balance and move into alignment by coaching.

yesterday a dear friend launched a yoga program similar to a course I’d begun designing. one that I’d planned to launch in september, but couldn’t. not because life got in the way, but because I had to prioritize other things (…like my “real” job).

I’m in the messy middle on this one. it’s going to be one of those posts without a bow.

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what does this look like for you?

is your identity tied to your career, or motherhood, or something else?

what have your seasons of change looked like?

I’d honestly love to connect if this is something you’re wrestling with too…I have learned SO MUCH from the women in my life that there are no “right” answers here…

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in the most virgo move of all time, I decided to host a 40th birthday for myself 364 days before the big 4-0. when friends and family texted me “happy birthday” on september 7th, 2024…my birthday LAST YEAR…I texted them back something to the effect of…“thanks, save the day for my 40th birthday party next year!”.

I did that partly because I always feel fantastic on my birthday. I have always been loved well and celebrated. but as the day drew closer, and 90 people had RSVP’d “yes”…I found myself wishing I had booked a solo yoga retreat to celebrate. I love my friends and family. but I found planning my party from the other side of the transformation I’ve been going through the past couple of years the ultimate challenge to my perfectionism, my desire to control things, my people pleasing, my performing.

almost 4 years into my sobriety, there haven’t been too many “sober firsts” lately. but I found myself staring down a new one. I hadn’t hosted a party at our new house. sober or otherwise. and it didn’t feel like a threat to my sobriety. but I did have to think it through.

would we have an open bar, like we always used to? no. just put “BYOB” on the invitation, problem solved.

would people test my boundaries? maybe a little, but putting an end time to the party really sends a message.

would I have to fight back the urge to do more, more, more? YES. would that urge get stronger as the party got closer? ALSO YES.

but I had therapy last week and we spent time talking about how I wanted to feel this past weekend. I made a plan for what I was going to do each day and welcomed out of towners to join me if they could, no stress if not.

my girlfriends rallied to support the last minute details. chris called in reinforcements from his mom (always a good idea).

and I did my best to stay open and grounded and receive all the love all weekend. at times that felt really overwhelming. but I let the waves of love wash over me. and I felt it. every message, text, card, hug, and gift. I really let it sink in. and I am so. damn. grateful.

as I shared in my speech at the party, I’ve always known I wanted to throw a party for myself for my 40th birthday. as you may or may not know, my mom Janice died in her 40’s. she was diagnosed with cancer at 44.

and I’ve often found myself thinking about her 40th birthday. and what she would have done if she knew what the next decade had in store for her.

it sounds morbid, but at a funeral I often think that celebration of life should be experienced by people while they are still with us. I know no one wants to throw a party when they have a terminal illness…but I’d want to know how loved I am.

so even though I feel healthier and more alive than I’ve ever been…that intention of receiving love was what I was calling in. I’ve put a lot of energy and effort into the relationships in my life and it felt good to be celebrated.

I invited my guests to place both hands on their hearts and think about the person who loves them most. that could be a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling…it could even be god or some other universal force. I invited them to breathe in the unconditional love that person has for them, letting that love fill their body. my birthday wish was that for the next year, whenever life gets hard (which it will, because it is life), they try to love themselves as much as that person loves them. that they remember that moment together and they treat themselves with gentle, loving kindness. I wish that for you too, reading this.

“may we all love ourselves and each other very well this year. may we give in to joy when we feel it. and honor any sadness or grief that comes. may we breathe presence and peace into the present moment. and may we live each day with a grateful heart.”

…a toast to love.

I’m not going to write a post with 40 things I’ve learned in 40 years. I’ve learned a lot but the truth is, I probably still don’t know sh*t. life is always surprising us with new lessons and “we don’t know what we don’t know”. I am humbled by all the wisdom I have yet to earn in this life and will continue my insatiable quest for more knowledge.

instead I’ll write 40 wishes for the next 40 years (and beyond):

1. good health until the very end

2. joy (without foreboding)

3. laughter & giggles

4. sobriety

5. a marriage that keeps getting stronger and deeper

6. quality time with my children - that I get to watch them experience health and happiness, whatever that looks like for them, for many, many, many years to come

7. friendships that feel effortless and deep

8. new experiences

9. the courage to live a life of my own design

10. that I keep writing vulnerably and sharing my story. and my self.

11. meaningful, rewarding work that allows me to shine and grow and use my superpowers

12. agency

13. power

14. wealth

15. healing my fears around money

16. peace with what my “enough” life looks like

17. peace in general

18. a meditation practice

19. a body that allows me to practice yoga, walk, and move through the world without pain

20. walks on the beach

21. the presence of mind to appreciate each sunrise and sunset I get to witness

22. more travel

23. healing

24. forgiveness

25. compassion for my younger self

26. surrender

27. confidence

28. courage

29. weekends with my sisters

30. family dinners

31. beach days

32. magical moments

33. nourishing meals

34. wonder and awe

35. inspiration

36. community

37. connection

38. gratitude for all I have

39. self-love. unconditional love. devotional love.

40. love

    ---

I’ve started writing a book. to my children. and I’ve decided I’m going to start publishing chapters here. it will keep me accountable to keep going. maybe I’ll even finish it this year. those posts will be for paid subscribers only. paid or not, thanks for following along with my journey. I’m grateful you’re here.

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if you want to connect with a group of likeminded, self-seeking, growth-oriented women…I invite you to join our sacred circle. we meet weekly on wednesday mornings from 8-9am EST. it will always be some combination of music, a reading/topic for your contemplation, some breathing/grounding/intention-setting, maybe some journaling, always space to share and reflect and connect and be witnessed. it is a safe space.

we have one room left for our cape cod women’s retreat sept 26-28. maybe it is meant for you!

but as a working mom with two school-aged children, the first day of school means fall to me. I know once we are back into the school routine, and shuttling parker to hockey practice and games, that we won’t make it out to the beach. even if yesterday we promised ourselves we would try.

I am so grateful to have had the last week off. the camps dry up by mid-august and the truth is I’d rather actually enjoy one week at the beach with my kids, rather than pay a babysitter $20/hr to have fun with my babies while I work.

the last week was a catchall for us. we drove to hyannis to do the back to school shopping. we took grace to staples to get all her school supplies for the first day of middle school. I checked some appointments off the list. and we snuck in two mid-week beach days.

I woke up this morning to meditate and do morning pages and…my mind is all over the place. some days, this is just how it is. I’ve been to 6am yoga almost daily for the past 10 days which sounds like discipline, but it’s really the easy way out of my morning practices because all it requires is that I get in the car within 15m of my alarm going off. once I’m at the studio I just have to roll out my mat and my half asleep soul does the rest.

grace woke up at 5:20. she’s inherited her mom’s enthusiasm for early mornings. and she was tossing and turning all night in anticipation for the first day of middle school. I am so nervous for her and bracing myself for this next phase of motherhood I find myself stepping into.

if you know me, you know I love september. I love back to school. for the same reason I love new years; I love a fresh start. the virgo in me THRIVES in september energy.

so before the magic of summer escapes me…a gratitude list for summer:

1. ice cream cafe

2. our summer sitter

3. grace’s time with my sister’s family up in gloucester - cousin time, surfing camp, and a week’s worth of new memories

4. grace’s first summer sleepover camp experience - it taught us all that we have so much to be grateful for in our every day life here at the beach (who needs camp when you have nauset beach!). she still loves being with us so much that she missed us and I am cherishing that.

5. grace’s love of sailing continued to blossom and she won an award at the yacht club for this sailing season

6. parker’s love of fishing

7. harley’s new trainer

8. chris and I celebrated 15 years of marriage with dinner at the pelham house. his parents also took us out to eat at pisces to celebrate and we finished the night off with a drink on the rooftop patio of ocean edge (where we got married).

9. beach days with our friends and family. so many beach days.

10. jumping in the waves at nauset beach

11. driving out on south

12. my week off - for the time to do all the things to prepare my family to go back to school

13. the shaws app - pretty much every sunday morning this summer I’d sit on the beach and place my grocery order. our family had food and I got to make a plan with my toes in the sand.

14. all the wonderful books I read this summer - the surrender experiment, dopamine nation, the relaxed woman, the book of boundaries, rich girl nation. I’m currently in the middle of 7 different books.

15. our health. with the exception of chris’ spider bite in july, everyone in the family had a summer of good health and I don’t take that for granted for a second

16. my new job - the challenge of it and the grace and compassion I’ve offered myself in transition

17. a couple productive and peaceful work trips to nashville (found a great yoga studio and even snuck in a massage on the last trip)

18. labor day weekend - the end of summer lobster/clambake, the kids donut eating competition, tie dying shirts on the beach, parrie’s scavenger hunt, celebrating birdie’s birthday

the best thing about labor day weekend is that we don’t have to leave anymore. we get to stay in this beautiful place we’ve made our home. and we get to love it. I will never stop appreciating everything we have.

alright…first day of school…let’s do this!!

good luck mamas…we’ve got this!

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in my 200-hr yoga training in 2022, in our first quiz about the yamas and the niyamas (yoga’s ethical guidelines), we had to choose one to write about in a brief essay. I remember choosing the second niyama, “santosha”, which can be translated as “complete contentment”.

the essence of what I wrote about it was basically…“I want that”.

the concept of deep inner peace sounded completely unachievable to me at the time. as someone who has always been striving, the idea felt foreign.

and yet…

last week I think I touched it (maybe for the first time).

it didn’t last all week.

but it lasted a few hours.

I touched it.

I held it loosely in my heart.

…and it was glorious.

experiencing contentment means feeling total satisfaction with where you are right now, in this moment. that happiness is not something we will finally achieve when we hit the next milestone, the next role, the next promotion or goal.

I was in therapy. excavating for something deeper. searching for a discontentment. for an old wound. for an issue beyond an annoyance. for a sinister whisper in my soul.

and I found…nothing.

no grievance.

no suffering.

just acceptance.

and as my therapist reminded me, I have worked my ass off to get here.

so I’ll sit in it a little longer.

soak it up for as long as it stays.

PRACTICE it.

I invite you to practice it too.

we suffer when we wish for things to be different. can you find a little bit of peace in the way things are, today? can you use your breath to be where your feet are and not thinking of the next thing?

I promise my experience of contentment is not from achieving perfection. I have not reached the end of a journey. there is no “there” here.

there is gratitude.

and a deep pool of patience.

loving trust in a plan beyond my knowing.

repeat after me: I have enough. I am doing enough. I am enough.

wishing you peace and contentment as you move through the transition between seasons.

offer yourself grace.

these transitions can be HARD.

the fact that it’s hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it means you are human.

I am celebrating a MILESTONE birthday next weekend on september 7th. I’m turning 40! and apparently my birthday coincides with a total lunar eclipse in pisces - a rare and emotionally charged moment that spotlights the tension between control and surrender. eclipses illuminate endings and revelations, making this birthday a potent catalyst for transformation and self-realization. I’m stepping into this new decade at an exact juncture calling for deep emotional clarity, release of outdated patterns, and a powerful hit of intuition and purpose. a cosmic pivot. SO FUN!

celebrate with me by subscribing to hear more from me this year…

Subscribe now

this season I’m gathering a Sacred Circle. a space for women who are craving meaningful connection, shared wisdom, and personal growth. this will be a safe and supportive group where we come together to share stories, tools, and resources that empower us to heal and grow, both individually and collectively...professionally and personally.

whether you're navigating a career change, seeking deeper community, or simply wanting to be surrounded by thoughtful, purpose-driven women...this is for you.

we’ll have a private community on an app called “mighty” and meet weekly on wednesday mornings (on zoom from 8-9am est).

there’s no cost or commitment to join us. sign up today.

last but not least…there is one room left in next month’s women’s wellness weekend retreat. we’ll be focused on recovery, restoration, reconnection, and cultivating meaning to battle burnout. maybe the last room is meant for you!